Hi, this is Erin with Neurolease®. I'd like to share another coping skill for anxiety, because it’s something I find so prevalent in counseling sessions. People deal with anxiety on such a regular basis, and it just drives them up the wall.
So, this coping skill is "Where am I", "What is happening" and "What is not happening". With your brain, when it's in the future, that's when you're going to discover you have anxious thoughts because you're trying to anticipate the unknowns. When you're having depressive feelings, look at what you're thinking about. It's typically related to things going on in the past. So that's why grounding is always so stressed between meditation, yoga, relaxation, everything.
This strategy helps with the grounding. So, it's where am I, what's happening and what's not happening. Ask yourself those questions and answer them. I’ll give you an example related to work experience and then I'll give you an example related to a relationship experience if you'd like to read a little bit longer.
Let's say you get called into work early on a Friday morning for a meeting with the boss and you're thinking, “great, there's been a lot of layoffs. The only reason why they call somebody in on a Friday morning is to lay them off and take their keys and their pass cards and everything. The holidays are coming, I've got presents purchased, and we have a family vacation plan.”
You will notice your brain goes faster and faster and faster and you start to get all worked up. Stop and begin to ask yourself.
1- Where am I right now? Ok, I'm sitting in my car and I know I'm sitting in my car because it's not even moving - I'm on three rounds at this traffic light already. The traffic so bad this morning.
2- What is happening to me right now? Right now, I have a job, there's a paycheck being directly deposited into my bank account today. That is what is actually happening.
3- What is not happening? I'm not losing my job right now. It's impossible for me to lose my job because I'm not even at the office. I'm not even in the meeting with my boss. My boss hasn't even left their house yet because they live so much closer to the office.
Again, you're looking at what is the actual truth and blocking your brain from creating all kinds of traumatic and scary stories. When you get to work and you're grounded, you're able to hear what your boss has to say and then able to employ your own logic and problem solving on how you want to respond to it.
If you've allowed yourself to escalate on the whole ride on the way into work, by the time you get into work, you're traumatized. Then, when your boss starts saying, “you know what, we have a new project we wanted to start, we feel that it's something you’re very passionate about. You're at a higher level in this corporation, and we'd really love for you to consider it.” - When you’ve stressed yourself out in anticipation, it's hard for you to really grasp what your boss said. First you have to feel relief that you're not fired before you can even transition over to embracing and considering what this promotion is actually going to mean for what your career goals are.
So that's an example related to work. Let's say you're in a relationship. This is another one that I get a lot, where people start worrying about the future or after an argument.
Typically, if an argument in a past relationships has meant a breakup, it can lead to panic. You may think, “oh, did I do this wrong? Did I say this wrong?” So, let's say the two of you were living together. This is how you would apply the technique.
1- Where am I? I'm in the place that the two of us live.
2- What is happening? Nothing's happening - I'm here by myself, sitting on the couch, looking at a pile of dishes that I really don't feel like dealing with today.
3- What is not happening? We're not broken up. My partners at work, they haven't asked to break up. They haven't mentioned anything about that. It's all in my head. It hasn't even come from them. All right.
Just keep reminding yourself about the actual things that are going on and put your attention and focus on those things. So, again, grounding strategy, where am I? What is actually happening in this moment and what is not happening in this moment, not what's going on in your head, but actually in your real life.
As always, have a great day and make sure to do something fun.
*Adapted from a video recording